Parenting past the pandemic podcast - Episode 2 video transcript

00:00:00 Vernon Kay

This podcast is brought to you by Aviva. We will be exploring some of the biggest questions and issues faced by parents. But sometimes it's nice to have a helping hand. Aviva exists to be with people when it really matters throughout their life. They've been supporting people through life 's financial challenges for over 300 years, so they know a thing or two about preparing for the future. Aviva is with you today for a better tomorrow.

00:00:25 Vernon Kay

Right let's get into it.

00:00:27 Vernon Kay

Hello everyone and welcome to the second episode of our podcast. This is parenting past the pandemic with me Vernon Kay.

00:00:34 Holly Mackay

And me, Holly Mackay, founder of investment website boringmoney.co.uk.

00:00:39 Vernon Kay

It’s good to be back.

00:00:40 Holly Mackay

Thank you Vernon. It's nice to be here with you.

00:00:42 Vernon Kay

Yeah, and thank you for joining us again and if this is the first time, thanks for joining us.

00:00:48 Vernon Kay

We've got an interesting topic today Holly, interesting indeed, because it's all about anxiety, Childhood anxiety and I think before we start I would just read you the dictionary definition of anxiety, OK, just so that we know what Ballpark Yeah.

00:01:05 Holly Mackay

My palms are sweating

00:01:06 Vernon Kay

We're playing in, so according to the dictionary, anxiety is a feeling of worry nervousness or unease about something with an uncertain outcome and in psychiatry terms.

00:01:18 Vernon Kay

It's a nervous disorder marked by excessive uneasiness.

00:01:21 Vernon Kay

And apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

00:01:25 Vernon Kay

Now I wanted to read that out because

00:01:28 Vernon Kay

 I think words like anxiety, anxious, nervousness, unease, depression.

00:01:36 Vernon Kay

I think that they get banded around so frequently that sometimes it's nice to just know what those words actually mean.

00:01:42 Holly Mackay

I think we certainly overdo the word depressed don’t we,  people bandy that one

00:01:48 Holly Mackay

Down around without really understanding or you know emphathising. I don't think I've been depressed with a capital D in in my life.

00:01:57 Holly Mackay

Not that I'm aware of, but I've certainly felt anxious.

00:02:01 Holly Mackay

This year, and that's quite unusual for me because I'm a bit of a resilient old cockroach

00:02:07 Vernon Kay

Yeah

00:02:07 Holly Mackay

and normally. I kind of just you know, stiff upper lip, soldier through, have a gin and women up.

00:02:09 Vernon Kay

Yeah

00:02:10 Vernon Kay

Here we go

00:02:14 Holly Mackay

But I, You know 2020 was a year

00:02:18 Holly Mackay

Of, I think all of us, feeling if we are honest at least some anxiety at some time and

00:02:25 Holly Mackay

And for me, I guess sort of I was thinking about what we were going to talk about today, and its sort of anxiety with our kids

00:02:30 Holly Mackay

But I think the first thing we've got to kind of  be honest with ourselves about is you know the anxiety that we're feeling and it's a bit like the oxygen mask on the plane sort of analogy because if we kind of let the Balls drop, then our kids certainly are going to receive that.

00:02:45 Holly Mackay

And pick up on it, and so throughout 2020, I was looking back.

00:02:50 Holly Mackay

Ive got a wee theory about anxiety

00:02:52 Holly Mackay

I think there's a triangle and there's three angles on the triangle.

00:02:56 Holly Mackay

One is physical, one's mental and one's financial?

00:03:01 Holly Mackay

And I think we are all really different, and our own kind of health circumstances, our money circumstances, means that all of our triangles are shaped a little bit differently, and we've all got sort of competing and conflicting anxieties.

00:03:14 Holly Mackay

I don't know about you what, which ones are the angles of those triangles would be paramount for you, I kind of physically in my immediate family we felt sort of

00:03:22 Holly Mackay

As safe as anyone did.

00:03:24 Holly Mackay

Financially, a bit stretched, but OK, so for me the biggest thing to watch out, was for the the mental anxiety bit, particularly as a parent going through this lockdown, so for me

00:03:37 Holly Mackay

The main thing I was like, I don't really care if the homeschooling falls off a cliff a bit

00:03:41 Holly Mackay

I don't care if they don't keep up with Maths

00:03:44 Holly Mackay

I want to.

00:03:44 Holly Mackay

Keep them happy. So that was the kind of driving force that sort of for me, trying to sort of get through 2020 was just to keep this show on the road and keep the children happy. Which meant that I had to try and be happy, even if once they were in bed at night. Id go out into the back garden and throw my mouth back and howl at the moon.

00:04:03 Holly Mackay

What about you, what was your triangle like

00:04:05 Vernon Kay

Well, I'll be.

00:04:06 Vernon Kay

Honest with you, I think 2020 as soon as lockdown started anyone who works in hospitality or the entertainment industry, will know that their Diaries like mine, Literally turned themselves upside down and ended up in the bin.

00:04:22 Vernon Kay

So, my triangle, I'll be honest with you, my triangle.

00:04:27 Vernon Kay

Was defined by the fact that I chose to do I'm a celebrity, because it forced me to get physically fit.

00:04:36 Vernon Kay

It enabled me to align my mental well being to prepare myself for 18 days in a Castle in North Wales.

00:04:43 Vernon Kay

But also there's the flip side, which is financially it was rewarding.

00:04:48 Vernon Kay

So my triangle was truly defined by that and if I think back and say to myself OK? What would 2020 look like without that

00:04:59 Vernon Kay

I think my triangle would be completely different because I would have been more anxious as to OK.

00:05:04 Vernon Kay

How are we going to start bringing in an income?

00:05:07 Vernon Kay

We can't necessarily rely on tess’s income doing Strictly Come Dancing because you know the series went ahead and it was as successful as ever.

00:05:16 Vernon Kay

Those 2 gigs define us financially and then therefore.

00:05:19 Vernon Kay

It is topical because obviously we're an Aviva podcast.

00:05:23 Vernon Kay

If you can align yourself or if you find some form of financial stability your mental well being props itself up and therefore if you mentally enable yourself to move forward you become physically fit.

00:05:35 Vernon Kay

And I think mental and physical fitness run parallel with each other.

00:05:39 Vernon Kay

I think if you're physically fit by going the gym or going for a jog or just being busy, your endorphins are flowing through your body and endorphins are what's in chocolate.

00:05:49 Vernon Kay

You know, you eat chocolate you get endorphins

00:05:51 Vernon Kay

Which makes you feel happy and it's exactly the same as exercise believe it or not ironically, so I think that

00:05:56 Vernon Kay

My triangle, going back to your question, was solely propped up by firstly financial and then mental wellbeing and the physical came with those two.

00:06:07 Holly Mackay

Were you aware in

00:06:09 Holly Mackay

Your household I guess of

00:06:12 Holly Mackay

Heightened anxiety and I think you know if I if I look back, My kids are a little bit younger than your kids. They are 10 and 12 and I got a few questions early on, I got a really unexpected ,for me, For my son, It's when I go and turn his lights out at 9:30. It's almost like he saved all the complicated questions for me

00:06:31 Holly Mackay

And the question one night is are you going to die.

00:06:34 Vernon Kay

Oh wow

00:06:34 Holly Mackay

And I was like oh night love

00:06:39 Holly Mackay

And I was like well

00:06:40 Holly Mackay

Hopefully not today, I don't think so, anyway.

00:06:43 Holly Mackay

But then I got, is granny going to die

00:06:46 Holly Mackay

And he’d obviously been sort of storing this, this stuff up so there.

00:06:48 Holly Mackay

Were are few sort of health anxieties, but once, my approach to that was, you know, I talked to him about it.

00:06:55 Holly Mackay

But I think with kids, the second they sniff that you're worried about something

00:06:59 Vernon Kay

Oh, 100%.

00:07:00 Holly Mackay

it's oxygen to the flames

 

00:07:02 Vernon Kay

Oh 100%.

00:07:02 Holly Mackay

So I kind of

00:07:04 Holly Mackay

I don't know if I'm too British about things.

00:07:06 Holly Mackay

Sometimes I think I probably close things down without sort of talking about them, too much.

00:07:10 Holly Mackay

But I with those questions I was like

00:07:12 Holly Mackay

No, we are fine I'm very, very, very unlikely to die in the foreseeable future.

00:07:20 Holly Mackay

Night night and put the lights out, but I don't tend to talk to them age 10 and 12 about it too much 'cause I just think I'll fan the flames.

00:07:28 Vernon Kay

Yeah, I think you're right, kids pick up on negative and positive very, very quickly.

00:07:33 Vernon Kay

They can sense it.

00:07:34 Vernon Kay

You know, the way you carry yourself around the house, the way you do your jobs, the way you talk on the phone and kids are so they are like big receptors.

00:07:41 Vernon Kay

They just take it all in soak it all up and then it's funny that you said that.

00:07:46 Vernon Kay

Lay in bed at night because I think that's when kids open up the most

00:07:49 Vernon Kay

I think that's when kids.

00:07:51 Vernon Kay

Find the courage and it is courage to say

00:07:54 Vernon Kay

Mummy, Daddy is everything OK? because they're in their comfortable place.

00:07:57 Vernon Kay

They're in bed.

00:07:58 Vernon Kay

They’ve got their teddy bear favorite pillow bed linen whatever.

00:08:01 Holly Mackay

The source of anxiety, I think for a lot of kids is keeping up with the Joneses isn't it and I personally think I'd like to get whoever invented that little like, thumbs up on Facebook and have Stern words with them

00:08:12 Holly Mackay

Some Developer Bloke over there in San Francisco.

00:08:15 Vernon Kay

And The love heart and Instagram in our life.

00:08:16 Holly Mackay

Ah god its just nonsense

00:08:20 Vernon Kay

And we talked about it in the first episode, we said that social

00:08:22 Vernon Kay

Media is just a mirror of who you want to see, who you want to be,

00:08:27 Holly Mackay

I kind of, here’s my thought of how we kind of, I think we, fuel the flames.

00:08:32 Holly Mackay

I've just gotta look at the mums, it is a mums

00:08:35 Holly Mackay

Not a parents it’s a mums WhatsApp group, for one of my kids schools, holy cow, sometimes I come out of a meeting.

00:08:43 Holly Mackay

And there’s like 53 notifications , and Im like what's happened, there's been a fire or an emergency

00:08:47 Vernon Kay

And you can't leave because everyone will know you’ve left the group

00:08:50 Holly Mackay

Yeah exactly

00:08:53 Holly Mackay

And You know, so theres this Pharaohs outfit or something needed for the next day.

00:08:57 Vernon Kay

Of my gosh

00:08:57 Holly Mackay

And and and this kind of

00:08:59 Holly Mackay

So I do think there's a lot because lots of people are trying to do the right thing for their kids.

00:09:06 Holly Mackay

You get these overly anxious parents is even like sort of schools now, people are planning what school they're going to I'm always sort of a bit late to the party.

00:09:11 Vernon Kay

Yeah, we are there at the moment with Pheobe.

00:09:14 Holly Mackay

OK, but she's 16, fair do’s

00:09:16 Holly Mackay

Some people are planning that when their their children are three, so everything escalates and it gets earlier and earlier.

00:09:20 Vernon Kay

Crazy

00:09:21 Holly Mackay

And there’s a bit of me that thinks that sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is just to chill out and be

00:09:26 Holly Mackay

I don't know, maybe this is my self justification.

00:09:28 Holly Mackay

But just be a bit more slovenly.

00:09:30 Holly Mackay

Go with the flow a bit more and and if they turn up to school, you know and their Pharoh

00:09:30 Vernon Kay

Yeah.

00:09:36 Holly Mackay

Costume is the same old white sheet with a hole in the middle, that you used for the Tudor outfit and the Halloween costume. It’s

00:09:43 Vernon Kay

Parallel lives Holly, we are leading parallel lives

00:09:46 Holly Mackay

It's not the end of the World.

00:09:46 Vernon Kay

t's not the end of the world.

00:09:50 Vernon Kay

This podcast is brought to you by Aviva. Visit aviva.co.uk to find out more and enjoy the rest of the podcast. Aviva is with you today for a better tomorrow.

00:10:02 Vernon Kay

All right, holly

00:10:03 Vernon Kay

Let's bring in today's guest.

00:10:04 Vernon Kay

Shall we. Please welcome to the Show, Emmanuel Asuquo.

00:10:07 Vernon Kay

You might know him from TV.

00:10:08 Vernon Kay

He's a financial advisor, but more impressively, he's a father of not one, not 2, not 3, but four kids.

00:10:16 Vernon Kay

Welcome to the show.

00:10:16 Holly Mackay

Hi

00:10:17 Emmanuel Asuquo

Hey Vernon, Hey Holly, you ok?

00:10:19 Holly Mackay

Yes, thank you.

00:10:20 Holly Mackay

Good to have you here

00:10:20 Holly Mackay

Emmanual Just A question, we've been talking about managing anxiety and and kids, as you imagine it's quite a lot to talk about at that moment. You've got 4 kids and something I'm kind of struggling to get to get my head around. What's it been like? What's 2020 being like in in your household with four kids bumbling around as well as your day job.

00:10:44 Emmanuel Asuquo

It's been it's been difficult because both me and my wife are both self employed so.

00:10:49 Emmanuel Asuquo

It's been quite hard financially and also time Wise 'cause.

00:10:55 Emmanuel Asuquo

We are having to, they’ve been at home and 4

00:10:57 Emmanuel Asuquo

Kids at home to entertain them.

00:10:59 Emmanuel Asuquo

They get, I've never heard daddy I'm board, so many times in my life, ever.

00:11:05 Holly Mackay

Or what about Daddy,

00:11:06 Holly Mackay

I want a snack.

00:11:07 Holly Mackay

Did you get snack a lot

00:11:08 Emmanuel Asuquo

We actually

00:11:10 Emmanuel Asuquo

Had to bring in a snack chart

00:11:13 Emmanuel Asuquo

It was getting ridiculous 'cause there was no responsibility.

00:11:16 Emmanuel Asuquo

They were literally.

00:11:17 Emmanuel Asuquo

Just going to the fridge, they would just get bored and go to the fridge.

00:11:19 Emmanuel Asuquo

So we had to bring in a snack chart where they would have to initial their name to the snack that they were taken and we had to do in order to ensure that the snacks would actually last cause

00:11:28 Emmanuel Asuquo

We were having to top it up over and over and over again.

00:11:31 Holly Mackay

What have you noticed with your kids.

00:11:33 Holly Mackay

I imagine the

00:11:34 Holly Mackay

One year old is just happy 'cause there's a lot of noise and chaos going on there, but your older kids, you know what have your experiences been in terms of working with them

00:11:43 Holly Mackay

Have there been any anxieties you've seen particularly?

00:11:47 Emmanuel Asuquo

Yeah, I think just being not being free to go out and see their friends and being trapped in a routine thats quite simple.

00:11:55 Emmanuel Asuquo

It's very difficult 'cause.

00:11:56 Emmanuel Asuquo

We were on lockdown you couldn’t, not like you could go out that much, and you had to stay at home quiet at lot

00:12:01 Emmanuel Asuquo

So I could see them know their personalities are reducing they won't really be in themselves, they're being very lethargic

00:12:09 Emmanuel Asuquo

And and so forth so we had to start creating new time so I had to change up my diary in regards to how many meetings.

00:12:16 Emmanuel Asuquo

I was taking so you know, I can take some of the burden take them out and do stuff with them and play games with them and then my wife would do the same 'cause.

00:12:24 Emmanuel Asuquo

We could see actually they were becoming unhappy.

00:12:26 Holly Mackay

And unhappy, Do you think that was because they were missing their friends or did they feel they were still seeing their friends on social media?

00:12:37 Emmanuel Asuquo

That they we don’t really have social media because they are quite young, the oldest is 8, so they weren't seeing their friends at all.

00:12:42 Emmanuel Asuquo

So I think what was really making them unhappy was the whole this virus of the pandemic outside and it was that kind of fear of what's gonna happen, is something gonna happen to them?

00:12:54 Emmanuel Asuquo

and then as they started to learn a bit more

00:12:57 Emmanuel Asuquo

And I realize it was older people that were you know more susceptible.

00:13:01 Emmanuel Asuquo

They were really worried about you know, Grandma and Granddad and if.

00:13:04 Emmanuel Asuquo

Something is going to happen to grandma and grandad and we had to keep your know saying  they will be fine.

00:13:08 Emmanuel Asuquo

But they couldn't see grandma and grandad like they normally could because they weren't allowed to go over there and so these are the type of things that started to give them anxiety and give them

00:13:16 Emmanuel Asuquo

Worries and as parents, we have to try and you know calm that down

00:13:21 Holly Mackay

How do you you talk to your children about money and at what age do you think you should start talking to kids about money?

00:13:27 Vernon Kay

Why did you laugh then Emmanuel?

00:13:30 Emmanuel Asuquo

Great question 'cause I don't I don't really talk to my kids about money.

00:13:34 Emmanuel Asuquo

I talk to my kids about value.

00:13:37 Emmanuel Asuquo

For me what's most important for my children is to understand value and the importance of adding value so the things that they do.

00:13:45 Emmanuel Asuquo

They can add value to themselves and if they add value to themselves.

00:13:49 Emmanuel Asuquo

that value would enable them to generate money, but the focus for me shouldn't be on money.

00:13:55 Emmanuel Asuquo

It should be on value so looking for them is about using public speaking, so I get them to do.

00:14:00 Emmanuel Asuquo

I get them to do drama classes to help them be able to be vocal and be out there.

00:14:05 Emmanuel Asuquo

Speaking 'cause I get paid to speak, but I had to learn that

00:14:09 Emmanuel Asuquo

I went to drama classes and I had that exposure and the fear of

00:14:12 Emmanuel Asuquo

You know, everyone laughing.

00:14:13 Emmanuel Asuquo

At you and making mistakes and now I can make an income from it.

00:14:14 Vernon Kay

That’s the best bit

00:14:16 Emmanuel Asuquo

So you know what I mean, that was a big hurdle, but we see a lot of people who have the knowledge.

00:14:21 Emmanuel Asuquo

But are not able to speak out there because they haven't been put in this position.

00:14:25 Emmanuel Asuquo

I talked it out with my kids, you know I talk about when you get money, also it's not necessarily, it's not all yours.

00:14:33 Vernon Kay

Yeah.

00:14:33 Emmanuel Asuquo

But you know when you're Young.

00:14:35 Emmanuel Asuquo

You get a tenner and then you can go to the shops and spend it.

00:14:35 Vernon Kay

Yeah.

00:14:36 Vernon Kay

Yeah.

00:14:36 Emmanuel Asuquo

But When you start working, they take tax and National Insurance before you even get your money.

00:14:42 Vernon Kay

That's a perfect example.

00:14:44 Vernon Kay

A perfect example of how we need to teach our kids the value of money and the value that comes with hard work.

00:14:51 Emmanuel Asuquo

Exactly and then finally for me, it's about giving back so I always like getting to pick your charity that they like and understand that yes, you are in a privileged position where you are able to make money.

00:15:01 Emmanuel Asuquo

But there are others that don't and I think it's so important about what type of children are we raising for me, I want them to understand that.

00:15:10 Emmanuel Asuquo

They are in a better position than I was because of the things that me and their mom 's put

00:15:14 Emmanuel Asuquo

In place but they should never feel that they forget others and forget that their others in and around them, not just in other countries in the same country that you live in walking the same streets that you walk on that don't have the ability to have the money that you have so put give some back and the joy that you can get from actually giving back then.

00:15:32 Emmanuel Asuquo

So those are the 3 principles that I always you know teach my kids when it comes to.

00:15:36 Emmanuel Asuquo

Money and finances.

00:15:38 Vernon Kay

I love that because we're not talking about actual physical possessions.

00:15:41 Emmanuel Asuquo

No

00:15:42 Vernon Kay

There are we, we're talking about mental values.

00:15:43 Emmanuel Asuquo

Exactly

00:15:44 Vernon Kay

 which enable you to.

00:15:46 Vernon Kay

To feel good about yourself and eradicate some of the anxieties that you could possibly have as a young person, what have you seen from the people that you've been well socially distance mixing with?

00:15:58 Vernon Kay

Shall we say, at work and and the people in your in

00:16:02 Vernon Kay

horizon shall we say.

00:16:03 Vernon Kay

What's been the biggest fear financially that you've?

00:16:06 Vernon Kay

Picked up because a lot of people have been furloughed, they’ve got 80% of their wage. A Lot of people have been made redundant. Some people have had to career change. So what is the biggest thing that you've seen and how have you enabled these people to kind of look on the bright side, if there is a bright side?

00:16:22 Emmanuel Asuquo

Yes, it's been it's been absolutely terrible because a lot of people have been living to 100% or even 120% of their income so for me when when furlough came out and it was 80%, I thought 80% to stay at home is amazing.

00:16:39 Emmanuel Asuquo

I was like wow, but do you know what I mean, but for but the reality was that a lot of people were not even living, were living way beyond their means. So even a 5% cut would have meant that they were going to go into debt. And so it was now people now overspend were going into debt they're going into their over draughts, having to use credit cards, having to take loans.

00:16:58 Emmanuel Asuquo

And it was like, it was a very worrying time for them.

00:17:01 Emmanuel Asuquo

'cause again, like you said being furloughed.

00:17:03 Emmanuel Asuquo

They didn't know if they were gonna be able to keep their job there was this pressure on social media that everybody should be either on a course or doing some sort of training because you've got this time out and there's always like you know actually people are dying and you know there's a pandemic out there do I really want to start training, but that was the kind of society pressure that was put onto people, so it has.

00:17:24 Emmanuel Asuquo

It has been hard from that way, but I think I think it's made a lot of people realize the importance of number one managing and owning their money actually being in control of their money.

00:17:34 Emmanuel Asuquo

And knowing where it's going

00:17:35 Speaker 2

Number 2, not being self reliant on one income. I think that's really been something that has really come through. Actually I need to have other streams of income or trying make my money work for me to have other streams of income.

00:17:47 Vernon Kay

Oh Oh oh hang on hang on, lets let lets take a pause right here and dip our feet into this pond shall we my friend. Because that’s something really interesting, multiple income streams.

00:17:58 Emmanuel Asuquo

Yes

00:18:00 Vernon Kay

So where do you start If you need to push your income a little bit more, bring in a little bit more cash what, what just define for us income streams.

00:18:13 Speaker 2

How can people think of other ways to bring in cash?

00:18:16 00:17:34 Emmanuel Asuquo

I guess for my clients and the number one thing I always say is what skills have you acquired though experience, through work, through your life that other people may need or would pay you for?

00:18:28 Emmanuel Asuquo

Because with the Internet, with zoom and all these other, the world is your oyster,

00:18:32 Emmanuel Asuquo

You don't have to be limited to your local, the local region, so for me it was about looking at what skills, so I have seen a lot of people who are working admin or have very good organizational skills.

00:18:44 Emmanuel Asuquo

Put that online and offer that service to help people, people also maybe do coaching or mentorship.

00:18:50 Emmanuel Asuquo

And these are ways that you can offer a service based business that allows you to use skills that you already have, already are experienced in and know you could know, know how they work to then generate an income stream and that is really a good place to start

00:19:04 Vernon Kay

Now, there is something there that, one thing, I think that the main hurdle and Holly you know more about this than me but the main hurdle that people face there is fear, is getting started.

00:19:17 Vernon Kay

It is how do I start doing this extra income?

00:19:20 Vernon Kay

How do I start getting out there?

00:19:22 Vernon Kay

How do I set up a website?

00:19:23 Vernon Kay

You know what I mean and it's those simple things that sometimes stop and hinder us progressing and moving forward.

00:19:29 Holly Mackay

I've got a lovely quote on that.

00:19:31 Holly Mackay

I've live my life by it now.

00:19:33 Holly Mackay

It's one of the founders of LinkedIn.

00:19:36 Holly Mackay

And he said you just gotta jump off the Cliff and work out how to fly on the way down and so many people, Im now sort of my second business and if I'd waited to know all the answers before setting it up, I'd still be in planning mode and I think sometimes, especially if it doesn't cost you much right

00:19:57 Holly Mackay

Because what you're talking about Emmanuel are things you know, as long as you've got an Internet connection you can just have a go can't you and I think our kind of fear that we are not going to be perfect enough or have it nailed.

00:20:08 Holly Mackay

I bet you know some of the clients that you've talked to, they've we tried something and it didn't work.

00:20:14 Holly Mackay

But then something comes from it and it involves, so I think it is, you know, just just having having it the guts to

00:20:16 Emmanuel Asuquo

Yes.

00:20:22 Holly Mackay

 have a shot at something and not worrying if.

00:20:24 Holly Mackay

Don't quite know what you're doing.

00:20:27 Emmanuel Asuquo

I agree, and I think also like you said website, sometimes they don't even need that.

00:20:30 Emmanuel Asuquo

I mean you can if you got on LinkedIn or you got Facebook or Instagram. These are free platforms, Twitter these are free platforms. Sometimes people want to get in. Get the website, get the business cards and the Flyers. You aint even got a customer yet

00:20:47 Emmanuel Asuquo

I mean, let's get some customers, do you know what I mean, lets get some customers first

00:20:50 Emmanuel Asuquo

And then we can level up as we as we go on and also that will help you change your direction.

00:20:54 Emmanuel Asuquo

'cause I'll tell you any business will tell you your first logo, your first slogan, normally that it ends up in the bin

00:21:01 Emmanuel Asuquo

It's not. It's not the one that’s gonna carry on

00:21:02 Emmanuel Asuquo

Its gonna evolve over time and so just get started, get out there and get customers, get their feedback, get what we like about your product, look at the hurdles that you face and as you go then you can evolve

00:21:14 Emmanuel Asuquo

Then you can invest in the website when you're actually making some money rather than paying for all this stuff and you don't know if anyone even wants it.

00:21:21 Holly Mackay

Although, I do love registering a domain name.

00:21:23 Holly Mackay

I don't know about you, feel like such an entrepreneur, anyone thats a bit bored one day .

00:21:27 Vernon Kay

I like that

00:21:29 Holly Mackay

Just register some domain names 'cause you feel like, I don't know Mark Zuckerberg at the end of the day it's, It's great.

00:21:33 Vernon Kay

Emmanuel because we live In this digital generation where we don't get cash in hand, where we don't have paper in our wallets as much as we used to, is it easier to get into debt because you just see numbers, you're just tapping and your going

00:21:44 Emmanuel Asuquo

Yes

00:21:50 Vernon Kay

You see something online, you type in, yes, paid for.

00:21:49 Holly Mackay

Do you even look when you tap your card if you buy contactless stuff?

00:21:52 Vernon Kay

I don't.

00:21:52 Vernon Kay

I don't I, I mean, It's my downfall that I don't, but it's outrageous how easy it is. And surely that's a massive pitfall.

00:22:02 Emmanuel Asuquo

It's a huge pitfall when, ask anyone that does personal finance and teaches personal finance we always start with cash and the main thing is envelopes. We have envelopes. A lot of people will do envelopes either weekly or envelopes on on what they can spend on. But it's all about cash because if I have to give somebody that £20, I physically have to give it to them. It leaves my hand goes into theirs. I look in my wallet, I've gotten less money than I started with

00:22:28 Vernon Kay

Yeah, You could physically see that it's been reduced

00:22:28 Emmanuel Asuquo

You can see it, when you are doing contactless, if you imagine if I go to the Westend for a date, I might remember the first times that I tap but there is no way if I make 10 or 15 transactions I am going to remember how much I have spent and then a lot of the time it is a waiting game for your bank account to update. And if you’ve got an account that updates 2 or 3 days later and you carry on spending, before you know you might look at your account and think you have money and then you don’t

00:22:31 Holly Mackay

Yeah, pot of Gold

00:22:57 Emmanuel Asuquo

Then you're in your overdraft, again if your not budgeting or splitting your accounts, I have people who will look in their account, there's £200 in there. They go and spend £100 then a £90 bill comes out and all of a sudden they've got £10 left for the month.

00:23:10 Speaker 2

And then this is how we are now having to go into our overdrafts.

00:23:13 Speaker 2

Or use a credit card and and that's how a lot of the time we end up in debt because we are not managing our money.

00:23:17 Holly Mackay

Emmanuel, I've got to ask you, a sort of a last question from me.

00:23:22 Holly Mackay

You've got 4 kids, burning issue that came up in my household at the weekend and couldn't find it, even googled it. What's the going rate for the tooth fairy?

00:23:33 Emmanuel Asuquo

So it's a great question that is.

00:23:34 Holly Mackay

Ive got no idea anymore

00:23:35 Vernin Kay

That’s a great question

00:23:36 Holly Mackay

I don't, I was thinking 50 P but I think that stuff in 19, that’s 1985 level

00:23:41 Vernon Kay

Oh 50 P good grief

00:23:45 Emmanuel Asuquo

I'm so lucky that I'm I'm Nigerian and so whenever we get to these type of things we just say, Oh yeah, we don't do that in Nigeria

00:23:51 Emmanuel Asuquo

To be fair he doesn't turn up in Nigeria. So unfortunately he doesn’t, it doesn’t happen.

00:23:58 Emmanuel Asuquo

So that's our cop out. I think for our first child, we did do a little bit of that, we did like a pound here and 2 but now its just like yeah nah we don’t do that.

00:24:06 Holly Mackay

We don't do that

00:24:08 Vernon Kay

That’s a classic, An absolute classic.

00:24:13 Vernon Kay

OK Emmanuel, thank you very much my friend, no really enjoyed that really good and really enlightening as well.

00:24:14 Emmanuel Asuquo

No, thank you guys

00:24:14 Holly Mackay

Nice to chat to you, yeah, take care.

00:24:23 Vernon Kay

OK holly, we've got some questions from some parents who have got in touch and we appreciate it. Thank you for getting in touch, so let's have the first question please Mark.

00:24:34 Speaker 4

How can I get my kids to open up or am I just forcing it? Should I wait for them?

00:24:38 Vernon Kay

That's a good question, that's a really good question.

00:24:42 Vernon Kay

I think kids when they need you. It takes a little bit of a nudge, but they do open up eventually, and I think it's a difficult one to force it. Do you?

00:24:51 Holly Mackay

I find the time they open up to me is when they are in bed at the end of the day. It's probably just 'cause they’re playing for more time actually, it's when I'm going to put the lights out. My son particularly, I can sort of say night night then sort of 9:30 and then it will come. If it's something that's been weighing on his mind.

00:25:11 Holly Mackay

So for me personally, I found. Just waiting for them. Kind of making space you can tell can't you when there's something bugging them, but just being around and making the space but waiting for them. It’s what’s worked for me

00:25:22 Vernon Kay

Yeah, so I think that Tess and Pheobe have some really good conversations at the at the witching hour and like you said, sometimes you think is she just pulling the strings because she wants to stay up a bit later.

00:25:34 Vernon Kay

But actually I think she's just finding the right time to say. Mummy, what do you think of this? Mummy, I'm going to do this, Blah blah blah. It's interesting that their day and night relationship is chalk and cheese.

00:25:47 Vernon Kay

Black and white, really, because there's a little bit of fiction during the day as you would with a teenage daughter and her mum.

00:25:53 Vernon Kay

But at night time they are like best mates.

00:25:55 Holly Mackay

I think Ive found as well it really helps kids to open up if you're doing something.

00:26:00 Holly Mackay

If you sit down and look at them and kind of focus on them and go right, we're now going to talk about something. Of course, they get a bit of twitching and edgey.

00:26:08 Holly Mackay

So for my daughter for example, its doing something like if we're making cupcakes or you know doing something else, so I'm not actually looking at them and I think they find it easier then to sort of open up when they're not being kind of, they don't feel like, Oh my God, my parent is now parenting me.

00:26:22 Vernon Kay

Yeah, exactly, yeah, 'cause then they feel like they're at school. Yeah or worse.

00:26:24 Holly Mackay

Or worse

00:26:26 Vernon Kay

But I think I think parents have that parental instinct and you know, when there's something not right with your with your son or daughter.

00:26:35 Vernon Kay

If I'm worried then how can I expect my kids to be OK?

00:26:38 Holly Mackay

I, I think that's really key. And Especially gosh if you look back at 2020. I mean, I think everybody was was dealing with higher levels of anxiety.

00:26:46 Holly Mackay

Vernon, I don't, I don't claim to have all the answers. For me my secret recipe is running

00:26:54 Holly Mackay

If I didn't run

00:26:52 Vernon Kay

Oh Run away

00:26:53 Holly Mackay

Yeah, bye, there's some cheerios in the cupboard and your Ipads are fully charged

 

00:26:58 Vernon Kay

It’s a microwave meal, takes 3 minutes, just press 3 minutes and start  

00:27:02 Holly Mackay

I do run in a circle so I do come back, but for me you know there's this, If I hadn't been able to, I can't meditate, I'm too impatient, I can't sit still, but if I haven't gone out a few times a week and just run and got that. That's for me. What keeps My my my anxiety to sort of hopefully manageable levels and the kids notice if I don't go running, I'm a flipping nightmare, even more than the normal you know that that's my coping mechanism. I don't know about you.

00:27:31 Speaker 2

Mmmm.

00:27:32 Vernon Kay

I think It's a tricky one I, I think kids can sense when Mommy and daddy aren't right and parent Mommy and Daddy can sense when the kids aren't right so I think it's really simple, but it's really difficult.

00:27:44 Vernon Kay

A good, honest, open conversation is tough. It really is.

00:27:51 Vernon Kay

But sometimes you just gotta bite your lip or grab the kitchen table and say right, we're going to talk about this.

00:27:58 Vernon Kay

It's the most difficult thing to do, but it's the it's the most rewarding.

00:28:07 Vernon Kay

Now, I don't want to say that we're not experts, but it's time to get an actual expert on the podcast courtesy of Aviva.

00:28:14 Holly Mackay

Speak for yourself there, Mr K.

00:28:17 Holly Mackay

But yes, Alistair McQueen is here once again with three top tips this time he's here to talk about how we can better manage our financial anxieties.

00:28:31 Alistair McQueen

Hi everybody, my name is Alistair McQueen and I'm the head of savings and retirement Aviva and here are my top 3 tips for today.

00:28:38 Alistair McQueen

Uncertainty feeds anxiety and there's no shortage of uncertainty in the world today and this can impact your finances too. Here are my top 3 tips for managing this anxiety from a financial perspective in these very uncertain times.

00:28:53 Alistair McQueen

First keep calm.

00:28:56 Alistair McQueen

Financial decisions made under stress are rarely good ones, so try to keep calm when reviewing your finances and remember, the longer term.

00:29:05 Alistair McQueen

This tough time too show pass.

00:29:08 Alistair McQueen

With this sense of perspective, you'll be better placed to navigate many financial challenges.

00:29:14 Alistair McQueen

Second, keep control. The foundation of good finances is a good budget, that is a good understanding of how much money you have coming in and how much money is going out. Yet many of us don't live to a budget.

00:29:28 Alistair McQueen

The Great News is there are many free websites to help us work out our budgets today.

00:29:34 Alistair McQueen

Find a couple of hours and work out your own budget.

00:29:37 Alistair McQueen

This sense of control can ease your angst. You will also be better placed to identify potential cutbacks and savings.

00:29:43 Alistair McQueen

Doing this every so often like once every 6 months, you will be well placed to keep control of your finances and 3rd keep talking and take advantage of the many free sources of help that are available when it comes to managing your money the government backed Money Advice Service is a great home for financial hints and tips.

00:30:04  Alistair McQueen

If you want bespoke, one to one service the regulated financial advice community can help.

00:30:10 Alistair McQueen

And most financial companies manage websites hosting a wide range of financial help, such as our own aviva.co.uk or unbiased.co.uk.

00:30:22 Alistair McQueen

And if you are between the ages of 45 and 60, Aviva has launched a free app We call the midlife MOT. It provides handy hints on how to manage your wealth, your work and your well being at these very uncertain times. Simply search for Aviva midlife MOT app. And back to you guys.

00:30:40 Vernon Kay

Thank you Alistair, appreciate that.

00:30:41 Holly Mackay

So there you have it, we're done for another episode of Parenting Past the pandemic brought to you by Aviva.

00:30:50 Vernon Kay

Yeah, we'll be back next week with very special guest Simon Thomas, who will be talking about the generational gap.

00:30:56 Vernon Kay

But we'll also be talking about dealing with anxieties and those tough conversations with children.

00:31:01 Vernon Kay

I mean, after he and his son lost a wife and mother so suddenly a few years ago, tough conversations to have.

00:31:08 Holly Mackay

If you want any more information, make sure you head to the website, we will put a link in the description of the podcast. Or visit aviva.co.uk/wait for it, parenting hyphen, past hyphen, the hyphen pandemic where you’ll find some great content, including some from yours truly.

00:31:26 Vernon Kay

Yeah there's none from me.

00:31:28 Vernon Kay

And don't forget to hit subscribe or follow wherever you're listening to this podcast to make sure you don't miss an episode.

00:31:34 Vernon Kay

We'll see you next week.

00:31:34 Vernon Kay

From me, it's bye.

00:31:35 Holly Mackay

And bye from me.

00:31:37 Vernon Kay

This podcast is brought to you by Aviva. Check out aviva.co.uk for more details. Aviva is with you today for a better tomorrow.