#4 Being a role model for your kids
“Do what I do” or “do as I say” – which do you tell your kids?
Lockdown and home schooling mean some kids are seeing more of their mums or dads than ever before. This week, Holly and Vernon are joined by Alison Perry from the Not Another Mummy blog and podcast to talk parenting habits. Are we acting the same as always? Or are we changing the way we do things to be the role models we think we need to be?
00:00:00 Vernon Kay
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00:00:25 Vernon Kay
Right, let's get into it.
00:00:28 Vernon Kay
Hello everyone, and welcome to our podcasts. It's me, Vernon Kay and Holly Mackay. This is the Aviva parenting past the pandemic and good grief are we still parenting past the pandemic? Yes, we are. We have a subject for you today on this podcast, episode 4 Brace Yourself Holly being a role model for your kids.
00:00:50 Holly Mackay
Over to you Vernon.
00:00:50 Vernon Kay
No, no, it's.
00:00:52 Vernon Kay
We do have a very special guest, we’ve got Alison Perry coming on a little bit later, but we should tackle this subject straight on. Head on being a role model for your kids. Do role models exist? Big question Holly.
00:01:09 Holly Mackay
So I guess what my view on being a role model, I don't know if this is self-serving or not, but I kind of think now parenting has become.
00:01:19 Holly Mackay
It’s become a thing, I don’t think it was a thing when we were growing up, and if you think about the column inches, you know we talking about it now, it is such a sort of scrutinise subject, that I think it's become one of these things, we’re not honest about and we hold up these sort of ideals of perfection and I think that doesn't help our kids so I'm going to start,
00:01:46 Holly Mackay
this this podcast on talking about role models by saying I think one of the most important things I can do for my kids.
00:01:55 Holly Mackay
Is to actually let them see me, warts and all and not too overly obsess about things and to try and you know to hold back from that natural instinct so their struggling with their homework, or their having a fight with someone online and we always want to kind of step in don't we instead and sort of help them and I do try and maybe it's because I'm a lazy Begger.
00:02:18 Holly Mackay
I don't know, but I do try and sort of hold back.
00:02:20 Holly Mackay
Coz you know what it’s.
00:02:22 Holly Mackay
I don’t have all the answers, and I'm not a perfect human being. Well, not most of the time Vernon.
00:02:29 Holly Mackay
I just think there’s all these sorts of flawed and frankly lies out there from everyone on social media. Saying that I've got it all nailed, so that's that's my sort of you starter for the conversation. I think the best thing I can do for my kids. Say I do my best. I try that quite frankly kids. I get it wrong. A lot of the time. But I'm still your mummy, I love you very much.
00:02:49 Holly Mackay
let's have some tea.
00:02:51 Vernon Kay
Yeah, I think that's a very good point. Well, raised Holly. I think we don't live in the perfect world and I honestly think that if we try to create a perfect environment for our kids, it's it's a false negative. do you know what I mean? Or a false positive. Whichever way we look at it because it doesn't. That's not real life and I think as parents our responsibility to reflect what's outside the front door. And we've talked many times in this podcast about making sure that everything is happy and safe within the four walls in the home.
00:03:22 Vernon Kay
But let's not forget it's a brave new world out there, soon as you step out the front door of your house it’s completely different to whatever scenario or whatever wonderful mystical environment you’ve created for your kids. As beautiful as it is with fluffy pillows and prancing Unicorns and glorious glitter filled rainbows.
00:03:40 Holly Mackay
That’s just your bedroom.
00:03:42 Vernon Kay
It is, but as soon as you step on the front door. It's not like that. It's not like that. So I think for.
00:03:47 Vernon Kay
Us as parents we.
00:03:49 Vernon Kay
Don't have to be necessarily role models, Knights in shining armer.
00:03:52 Vernon Kay
Or, you know King and Queen of the Castle. I think we should be a representation of Fair representation of what kids can expect outside the front door, because that's just the way life is. I guess. My role models, Ive got to say my parents looking back because my mum tried to bring us up proper and my dad just grafted throughout the whole of our childhood. Never really saw him that much, although I don't remember not seeing him that much cause he's a lorry driver. Long distance lorry driver, so he’d be away.
00:04:06 Holly Mackay
Who are your role models?
00:04:24 Vernon Kay
2-3 maybe a week at a time.
00:04:26 Vernon Kay
But we were, I always tell my friends and the kids. We were never left wanting like Christmas for us was literally an Aladdin's cave of toys, and my parents have this. It turns out to be a weird tradition. I tried it with my kids and then was like that is so weird. Don't do it, but my parents had this tradition where we lived in a 3-bedroom detached house, small front room, small kitchen, small living room.
00:04:58 Vernon Kay
And we would go down this flight of stairs.
00:05:00 Vernon Kay
And at the bottom of the stairs was the door, that went into the living room and we’d all line up. It would be mum first, then me, then my brother Stephen and then my dad at the back in the line going down the stairs. So we can vision that my mum would open the door. We turn left, and the floor of the living room was literally like the best Toys R Us. Display you've ever seen in your life. Like Hamleys could take my parents and say right? How do we re-design this store to make it a fancy Wonderland for kids?
00:05:31 Vernon Kay
That was our Christmas morning. Nothing was wrapped up everything is on display. Everything was taken out of its box if it needed building, me dad built it.
00:05:38 Vernon Kay
So, throughout Christmas Eve, my dad was in a band, so Christmas Eve he’d go out and play the gig and get home at 2:00 and then apparently. It turned out from 2 till 5:30. He had 3 and a half hours to build everything so and it would always be built and sat on its box. So, it would literally be like the display window of Hamleys.
00:06:00 Holly Mackay
And he never had that problem of running out of batteries.
00:06:04 Vernon Kay
Never, and I'll never forget it, knows where even I can probably remember.
00:06:09 Vernon Kay
In my Child, I could probably remember 8 different Christmases, and there's not many kids that can say that, or adults that can say I remember every Christmas morning, I do because they were so euphoric in the way that they did it, so idols, definitely my parents, and then it would be. And this is quite controversial because we talked about this prior to the podcast we talked about this while we were having a cup of tea. American football, sports heroes those.
00:06:32 Vernon Kay
People athletes have succeeded in their chosen sport are always considered them as role models, but not role models in the way that you should carry out your life or betray yourself in life, but role models in their successful, I like the way their focused. I love how there, enjoying victory.
00:06:52 Holly Mackay
I think it's really daunting, I think if you went around in my life as a parent going am I a role model you just get crippled with.
00:07:01 Holly Mackay
Anxiety, because it can be. I actually thought about this last night and it stopped me from getting sleep, which is very rare.
00:07:09 Holly Mackay
Knackered at the end of the day but you can get quite a downward negative spiral coz you start to sort of put out you're the things that you're aware of you do. Well, I sort of thought about oh you know the 3,000,000 things you do when you could have been a better parent or less and then I asked my son last night he said went well yeah yeah you are.
00:07:17 Vernon Kay
You start unpicking things.
00:07:30 Holly Mackay
You're not very patient.
00:07:34 Vernon Kay
Youre very brave asking for an honest answer from your children.
00:07:39 Holly Mackay
Know I get it, I mean, whether I ask him for it and not and I just wanted to laugh cause. I thought mate. If you only knew your mother before I had you, children have taught me to be more patient. He still thinks I'm impatient, which is actually factually correct I am, and then he said something interesting, he said that you are a sort of good role model.
00:08:00 Holly Mackay
Because you work very hard and you run your own business and you're very strong lady.
00:08:09 Vernon Kay
I like that though, called you a lady.
00:08:13 Holly Mackay
Well he does when he is trying to be respectful. He also calls me impatient as you know and many other things one.
00:08:18 Vernon Kay
Well I think, from an outside world.
00:08:19 Vernon Kay
From someone looking out looking in.
00:08:22 Vernon Kay
I would say you're 100% a role model, absolutely to be to be successful in. You know let's hold our hands up in a male dominated industry because finance is, money is predominantly male. Yeah, yeah, I think you’re 100% a role model.
00:08:42 Vernon Kay
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00:08:53 Vernon Kay
Alright here we go. Shall we get a fellow parent on? I think it's that time of the podcast. Our guest this week is award winning writer and podcaster who's brought us the not Another Mummy podcast and blog. Plus, she's got a new book out called OMG It's Twins. And then on top of that she's a mum. She's been very, very busy. Hi Alison, how are you?
00:09:14 Alison Perry
Hello I'm good. Thank you. How are you guys?
00:09:15 Holly Mackay
Hi Alison, good thanks.
00:09:17 Vernon Kay
Yeah, we were really good. I'm a little bit confused so I'm gonna throw the floor over to you were talking about role models for our kids.
00:09:26 Vernon Kay
Is it possible for parents to be role models for their kids and is it a good idea for kids to?
00:09:32 Vernon Kay
Have role models.
00:09:33 Alison Perry
I think that will answer your first question. Absolutely, it is possible for parents to be a good role model, but I think that we probably need to look at what's that will what a role model is. And for me personally, it's just thinking about values that I want my kids to grow up having.
00:09:54 Alison Perry
And if we knew for a fact, that we know from research that children learn by watching you, and you know they do what you do, not what you tell them to do an always watching you from a very little age. That's how they learn stuff, even if it's you know, I've got toddlers, Ive got 2-year-olds? And they learn how to eat by watching us. And you know I got a 10-year-old.
00:10:23 Alison Perry
I'm not saying I will get it right by any stretch, but I'm just really aware that there's no point in me screaming and yelling at her and then being surprised when she screams and yells back at me because she's just copying.
00:10:39 Alison Perry
What I'm doing?
00:10:41 Holly Mackay
Don’t be like Mommy?
00:10:45 Vernon Kay
Then you said something there, which I think once we’ve finished this series it’s the one thing that we can take away from this podcast is that there's no right or wrong answer.
00:10:54 Vernon Kay
In parenting, you know it's kind of a, it's like that scenario at the end of swimming lesson was free swim and you go off and do what you what you want to do. As long as you don't drown, it's fine.
00:11:08 Vernon Kay
Let me ask you should kids have role models that are outside of the four walls of our homes, is that a good idea?
00:11:15 Alison Perry
I think there is really healthy to. I think really healthy to have that. I also think that you're so hung up on role models not being Youtubers, for example, I think there is a study done a couple years which talked about how more kids have.
00:11:33 Alison Perry
I'm role models off YouTube than you know years ago it use to be footballers or it use to be, you know, scientists or you know, people who had made great achievements in life. But actually, I think that there's something to be said for these teenagers or kids in their people in their 20s who are on YouTube and who perhaps.
00:11:58 Alison Perry
Build something from nothing and someone like Zoella. For example, I know that she's not a teenager, but she should have a huge teenage audience and she talks a lot about mental health. About Anxiety, she's somebody who's built up a business from nothing and she takes her responsibility as a role model very seriously. Now, if my 10-year-old decided that she wanted to start watching Zoella videos at the moment she’s more into to watching Minecraft videos on YouTube.
00:12:24 Vernon Kay
I know where you're coming from.
00:12:27 Alison Perry
But if she wanted to watch Zoella, I'd be really happy for her too, and I think that, it's about balancing up the external role models that are around them, that are in the wider world.
00:12:36 Alison Perry
With us as parents and just getting that balance between, you know the influences are around our kids.
00:12:43 Vernon Kay
What do you think our kids get from a role model, so I know the Zoella world and the Joe Sugg world and the Alfie Deyes world because my kids have been there not necessarily submerged in it now, but they've been there and there, followed those three. What do you think kids get from kids who sit in front of a laptop and talk about their everyday lives? Is it relatable?
00:13:03 Alison Perry
Well, I think it is like I mentioned, Zoella has talked about her mental health a lot.
00:13:09 Alison Perry
And I think that you know, just hearing hearing about everyday issues being discussed. The whole the whole reason that people in the kids on YouTube and on Instagram and social media tick tock. The whole reason that has become as big as it is is because its people just like you and me. And you know we have had years of celebrities much like yourself Vernon. You know you're not Hello magazine or Heat magazine.
00:13:39 Alison Perry
You’ve got all these celebrities.
00:13:40 Alison Perry
But we can't necessarily relate those people as well as even the.
00:13:45 Alison Perry
Everyday person on the.
00:13:46 Alison Perry
Street, which is why there's been this huge boom of social media celebrities because they are just like you and me there. You know they just real people with real issues and problems. And if they talked about these issues, you know our kids can absolutely learn from them.
00:14:04 Holly Mackay
And then thinking about coming back into the home I guess. And how much do you.
00:14:09 Holly Mackay
Amend your behaviour because you're aware that you've got those. How many kids have you got? You’ve got 3?
00:14:15 Alison Perry
Ive got 3.
00:14:16 Alison Perry
Ive got 2-year-old twins, and a 10-year-old.
00:14:19 Holly Mackay
So how much do you try and sort of modify?
00:14:24 Holly Mackay
Perhaps some of your worst excesses, when you know that you've got sort of six eyes, sort of boringly into you and kind of looking at stuff. I mean when it.
00:14:31 Holly Mackay
Comes to eating.
00:14:33 Holly Mackay
Or it comes to I don't know the financial habits or anything like that, I mean.
00:14:38 Holly Mackay
Do you do?
00:14:39 Holly Mackay
Do you try and sort of live your life differently because you think I am being a role model and my kids are watching every move I make?
00:14:43 Alison Perry
00:14:47 Alison Perry
So, one example of that is I spent my 20s dieting and going to diet clubs and really obsessing over trying to lose weight. And really unhappy with the way I looked.
00:15:00 Alison Perry
And as soon as I had my daughter my oldest, I realised that I had to change my attitude and the way that I talk about myself, especially in front of her and since becoming a mum. I have absolutely changed the way I talk about myself and you would never catch me looking in the mirror thinking and seeing oh my bum looks really big, or my tummy is really wobbly. I will talk about my body in a really positive way in front of them because I want them to grow up with a healthy attitude towards there body.
00:15:32 Alison Perry
And even this week. My oldest shouted at me because I was making her late for school and she tells me so horribly. that I said to her, right that's it. No screens after school for you and afterwards and she's really upset, and she left for school in tears, and I just felt horrible and afterwards I thought about.
00:15:55 Alison Perry
And I discussed with my husband and I said to him.
00:15:57 Alison Perry
Do you know wha, I don't think punishing her for.
00:16:00 Alison Perry
Shouting at me is.
00:16:01 Alison Perry
The right way about it.
00:16:03 Alison Perry
So in the last few days.
00:16:04 Alison Perry
We've been talking about amending the way that.
00:16:07 Alison Perry
We react to these situations and thinking OK, punishing her isn't working. So, what can we do how can we react to that kind of behaviour in a way that allows her to understand how she's made me feel and perhaps makes her stop herself from doing it the next time, because actually taking screens away from her, isn't going to make her decide, not to shout at you next time, so I'm all the time amending my behaviour and trying.
00:16:37 Alison Perry
To become a better parent and a better role.
00:16:40 Alison Perry
Model for her.
00:16:40 Vernon Kay
Alison, we've been there many many times ourselves.
00:16:44 Holly Mackay
I want to dig a bit more into that, because I'm a bit of a fan of the screen time kind of removal cause for a long time it was the only thing that that seems they seem to care about.
00:16:55 Holly Mackay
I can sort of hear my mum, echoing in my ears, it in a way she's quite old school and she sort of, I think, very much believes that that she's the parent and the kids are the kids. And if they transgress or if their rude, we've got show them and and you know that is done by some sort of punishment or some sort of deprivation.
00:17:16 Holly Mackay
Something. And there is quite a school of thought around about at the moment isn't there, which is all about positive parenting and engaging with people and I've seen a mum at the school sort of has a kid at the same school and and her child walks around hitting people and you see her have great big engage and involve conversations with him about his anger. And this and that and it kinda makes me really frustrated coz. I want sort of I want to see her say to him.
00:17:46 Holly Mackay
No, that's totally unacceptable. Here is the punishment. Don't bloody well do that, and yet she's trying to talk to him about building up his self-esteem and let's analyse where the anger comes from.
00:17:58 Alison Perry
So it's really tricky. It's really tricky and I think that there is no. There's no right or wrong and every child is different. I think that it's just really interesting to read reports from psychologists which talk about, you know, actually punishing a child doesn't make it doesn't teach them anything, it just almost.
00:18:30 Alison Perry
Does it not just make you not want to get caught next time rather than actually making you think.
00:18:38 Alison Perry
What I did was wrong. It doesn't give you any time to reflect upon your behaviour, it doesn't. It doesn't teach you anything other than I don't want that to happen again, and I'm not sure that's a big enough lesson. It just feels like it's creates anger with resentments.
00:18:50 Vernon Kay
Yeah it does, I remember I remember.
00:18:58 Vernon Kay
As a kid, you know.
00:19:01 Vernon Kay
Being told off and being told off in the old school way, shall we say. And if I went there again it got worse. You know, that's just the way parenting was in the 70s, I’ll be honest with you, but it's not like, parenting has changed, it has changed dramatically.
00:19:17 Vernon Kay
You know, it has gone from having a physical conversation. To having an actual verbal conversation Okay sit down. This is what you did wrong. Tell me why you did it. How do we get over the problem? Don’t do it again.
00:19:30 Holly Mackay
But still that punishment, that sort of removing something, its just interesting, I remember I don't know why one of the most traumatic instances of my childhood, which shows you what lovely people my parents are really coz it's not very dramatic.
00:19:42 Holly Mackay
It was getting to the time in Dallas when we were going to find out who shot Sue Ellen and I’d been obviously a little pig that day and Mama said you've got to go to your room, and you can't watch Dallas and I still remember to this day having the mother of all Wobblies and she did actually give in in the end and let me downstairs and watch it, but that was that's been going on for a long time. Hasn't it? That kind of if you do this this will happen. I was just interested to hear you you talking through that. Maybe I should try something. Different with my kids, but then I kind of worry that you know that that would it work. I'd be interested to sort of hear with your experiment.
00:20:13 Alison Perry
I think something that I always try and think about it. You know whatever the situation is, would you treat an adult in this way, and you know one example is you know you quite often hear of parents saying to a crying child Stop crying. Stop crying.
00:20:39 Alison Perry
And if your best mate was having a crisis. She comes round with a bottle of wine and she was crying. Wou wouldn’t dream of saying stop crying pull yourself together. You would let her cry it out to get your kids often tell himself.
00:20:52 Vernon Kay
Do you know what Alison? Ive never thought about that before. It's so interesting that if you turn around and treat your kids like you would treat your adult friends.
00:20:58 Holly Mackay
but hang on, there's another point in there Vernon. Coz they are kids and they're not adults. And I sometimes think we've gone too far the other way in treating our children like adults.
00:21:09 Vernon Kay
Yeah but that’s a great example that Alison I loved that.
00:21:11 Alison Perry
I don't think you should treat them as adults in every situation, but when you are, I guess. Dealing with an emotional crisis or you know anger or some kind of outburst from them rather than perhaps reacting in the way that our parents did. You know, perhaps you're my mum and dad use to always say if I said but why but why?
00:21:34 Alison Perry
Are they would see because I said so?
00:21:37 Alison Perry
And that will be the end of the conversation. We would never say that to a grown up would you.
00:21:41 Vernon Kay
No can you imagine being in a pub okay, you're in a pub and six blokes have got up from there table and left the pub. OI GET BACK HERE, CLEAN THAT UP NOW
00:21:58 Vernon Kay
What do you think you're doing? Where do you think you are?
00:22:04 Alison Perry
Ive told you 5 times to clean that up.
00:22:07 Vernon Kay
How many times? TESS, COME HERE, LOOK AT THESE THREE HOOLIGANS, THEY’VE LEFT THEIR DRINKS ON THE TABLE.
00:22:15 Alison Perry
You just wouldn’t though, would you? And I think it's something to think about.
00:22:20 Vernon Kay
That is a classic?
00:22:22 Holly Mackay
Planning self awareness. Next time I open my mouth to shout at my children I shall see you and you will make me a better person Alison.
00:22:29 Vernon Kay
Yeah, I learn something every day on this podcast. I really do that. That's that's it. It's such an obvious way of treating in conversing with the kids.
00:22:39 Vernon Kay
If you don’t or do, do it to an adult then do it to the same to you kids. Let's go back to the title of our podcast Being Role model for your kids.
00:22:50 Vernon Kay
Is it a shiny and polished as glowing as it sounds? Us being role models for our kids or are there times where as a role model they see you dealing with situations which aren't so positive, which are quite negative. But then they can turn around and say Mummy and Daddy have dealt with this. That's pretty cool.
00:23:08 Alison Perry
Definitely, and I also think that it's really important that you show them that role Models make mistakes and get it wrong, and something that I tried really hard to do is apologise to my kids and say I'm really sorry I shouldn't have done that. I got that wrong. I made a mistake because how can we expect them to be able to own up to something or recognise that they've got something wrong and apologise if we don't do it ourselves?
00:23:37 Vernon Kay
Alison is there a cut-off point as to how much you let your kids into your world.
00:23:44 Vernon Kay
Do you know what I mean? So, we will talk about role models and parents or kids have this perception of who their parents are like my I always perceived my my mum as working hard at home part time job. My dad always down the road lorry driving our house was built on hard work and and reaping the benefits of all that hard work. But in this modern world with digital being so accessible, we've talked about this many many times on the podcast with all that information in the at the end of their fingertips.
00:24:14 Vernon Kay
Is there a limit or is there a point of cut off, where parents say ok, you know enough?
00:24:20 Vernon Kay
But we are not going to go beyond the line where we're getting to Mummy and Daddy's finances mummy and daddy's relationship.
00:24:26 Alison Perry
Definitely I think so. Yeah. I mean, I'm just speaking for myself here. I'm not saying this is the right way to go, but absolutely like my my 10-year-old doesn't know how much I earn, you know she.
00:24:40 Alison Perry
There's absolutely conversations that I still think are appropriate for Grown Ups and conversations that are appropriate if she came up and asked me and I remember sulking about tax and how tax works, and what it pays for, and that's because she came to ask me the questions and so I explained why I'm self-employed and I pay my taxes in January and this is what it goes on. And that's healthy and that's that's great that you know she's asking these questions.
00:25:08 Alison Perry
I absolutely think that there are boundaries. I think that as humans we all need to have those boundaries and it's no different for parents and kids.
00:25:16 Vernon Kay
We talked earlier on Allison lived with other guests that we've had, and we were saying that kids pick up on parent's body language that they pick up on phone conversations that they are having, even though they could only hear one side of the conversation. So, I think kids get a jest, of what's going on, don't they?
00:25:34 Alison Perry
They do, they do. Yeah, I think that I think that it's just about getting that balance, and that balance will be different for every family and.
00:25:42 Alison Perry
You have to listen to your gut feeling. I think about what are my boundaries. What am I happy to discuss with my kids? What do I feel like, because sometimes parents are worried that if they're too honest with their kids about something that it will make them anxious makes them worry? You know? So if you know, if you know about the financial situation that your parents are in, is it gonna keep you awake at night and you know so.
00:26:04 Alison Perry
A lot of.
00:26:05 Alison Perry
Boundaries about protecting people and it could be you or it could be your kids.
00:26:10 Vernon Kay
Mynkids have picked up that Tess, doesn't like wet towels on the bed and the dishwasher door leaving open.
00:26:15 Holly Mackay
So fairly resaonable. Biscuit in my arms.
00:26:21 Vernon Kay
Ahh brilliant. Alison it’s been an absolute pleasure. Thank you very much for joining us.
00:26:24 Holly Mackay
00:26:25 Alison Perry
Thank you so much.
00:26:30 Vernon Kay
Alright Holly, brace yourself. We've got questions from our audience about role models and we find it quite difficult to talk about this, it was a bit of a weird one, and what constitutes a role model.
00:26:41 Holly Mackay
I think we're both having an existential crisis, so let's let's get stuck into the questions and we can die a little on the inside.
00:26:48 Vernon Kay
Yeah alright, fire away Mark.
My habits such as drinking a few too many nights a week, definitely got worse during lockdown. Is this likely to affect my kids?
00:27:57 Vernon Kay
Well Holly over to you.
00:27:01 Holly Mackay
Ohh really, I can't emphasise with that at all. I only drank one bottle of wine a day. I think Lockdown 2020 was an utterly odd year for everyone and to my mind if we got to the end of the day and everyone was still smiling and the wheels hadn't fallen off, we were all doing well. So, I think we can be a little bit generous in forgiving some bad happiness in 2020.
00:27:27 Vernon Kay
You're right, you're right yeah.
00:27:29 Vernon Kay
I think there's a lot of leeway in 2020.
00:27:31 Vernon Kay
And I think they made it made it easier by putting twist off tops on bottles of wine.
00:27:40 Vernon Kay
What a revelation that is, let's be honest. Come on mums and dads, good grief, no longer do you leave the Cork on the Corkscrew and after all wind it manually, you just twist the top on and off. But in all seriousness, yeah, I think our habits did extend themselves a little bit too much in that free time.
00:27:58 Vernon Kay
Was a real issue, you know? Not having anything to do in your free time and then all of a sudden, this tidal wave of free time was drawn upon us and.
00:28:06 Holly Mackay
Speak for yourself.
00:28:09 Holly Mackay
Because everyone was so different wasn’t they.
00:28:09 Vernon Kay
Yeah, but from our perspective, being freelance and having the world fallout. The bottom of the diary.
00:28:17 Vernon Kay
We were we were given this huge amount of time and then asking yourself, okay, well what do we do? And I jet washed everything including the kids for the first 2 weeks and emptied the gutters and did all those manual jobs were,
00:28:32 Vernon Kay
If you are.
00:28:33 Vernon Kay
If you got.
00:28:34 Vernon Kay
No time you get someone in to do them, but I did everything, repainted the gutters, relying the gutters, jet wash, Tess, even, no word of a lie replastered apart of our Conservatory. She learnt how to do on YouTube. Should re-plastered the Conservatory. And that's how we filled our time. And then you will get, let's have a drink.
00:28:56 Speaker 4
And it’s 4:30 in the afternoon.
00:28:57 Vernon Kay
Yes, exactly why not, the kids are Jolly and their happy. But in all seriousness, if you do feel yourself getting to that point where things become a too and too regular, you know and you can slowly feel yourself getting on the.
00:29:12 Vernon Kay
The train to nowhere, then I think it's in this day and age it's really easy to turn round and ask for help. You know, help is readily available.
00:29:20 Alison Perry
I've always been a big spender, but how?
Can I teach my kids about saving?
00:29:24 Vernon Kay
Oh, you are going to have to talk to me directly Holly, because this is me all over.
00:29:27 Holly Mackay
Yeah, it's it's really interesting. I've talked so many people and researchers and our financial habits do really, really impact our kids.
00:29:40 Holly Mackay
And I remember, talking to one lady who did have a real sort of compulsive shopping problem to the point she was going out and her parents had been very, very tight with money. So she then equated sort of money with with love and she would go out and buy things and she was talking to me about going home and having shopping bags. You know in her hallway and she didn't even really sort of open them up it was it was the act of spending. So, all I'd say is our kids do watch us.
00:30:07 Holly Mackay
I think we do need to start to be aware of having responsible conversations with them about money from an early age and I kind of think as with many things within moderations, best you know you don't have to sort of scrimp and save and never spend anything and have have never have any fun. But at the same time.
00:30:28 Holly Mackay
If you're in the habit of the cycle, just pressing that button on Amazon, that kind of got a bit too easy.
00:30:36 Holly Mackay
Okay, right, well, it's near the time of the podcast drum roll we pass across to our expert from Aviva and this week Alistair is here to teach us all about how we can make sure that being a role model to our kids includes teaching them about money.
00:30:53 Alistair McQueen
Hi everybody, my name is Alistair McQueen and I'm the head of savings and retirement Aviva and here are my top 3 tips for today. Many people in many events will shape our views of the world. But for many fuels of more influence on us than our parents with her about 6 and a half 1000 days between our birth 18th birthday.
00:31:13 Alistair McQueen
Every one of those days can be a money school day, now except not all this education will be warmly received. But it could have a lasting benefit that will live on well beyond childhood. So here are my top 3 tips for being a role model for your kids.
00:31:29 Alistair McQueen
First share your experience. Experience is a great teacher. But it only comes with time.
00:31:36 Alistair McQueen
Your own experience with money will have taught you lessons that are of value to next generation share what you've learnt at Aviva. For example, recently asked 8 prominent people to share what money lessons. They had learned from their parents don't be blinded by brands from shopping recalled the author learn to stand on your own 2 feet recalled the chief executive and only buy things when you have the money. We called the financial adviser; you would have received your own money lessons too. So, share them.
00:32:06 Alistair McQueen
Second start early financial lessons can begin from a young age, with pocket money.
00:32:12 Alistair McQueen
According to various sources have been estimated that the average pocket money in the Uk is between 4 pounds and 8 pounds, depending on age, but that's just an average some parents will pay more, and some will pay less, that's fine to. In paying pocket money, we should pay, according to our own resource, not according to some National Survey paying a certain amount of pocket money each week is a good way to educate children that money does not grow on trees.
00:32:39 Alistair McQueen
And third, listen be humble in any financial education you give to the next generation. What worked for you? May not be what works for them. For example, many of today's younger generation go on is a job for life feelings, a generous final salary workplace pension and higher is that first step to get on to the housing ladder. Share your experience in your advice but also listen to the needs and the pressures facing that next generation to.
00:33:10 Alistair McQueen
If you are a parent, Aviva offers whole year for free life cover for each child. You have under the age of 4 and if you were to pass away in that time would pay out 15,000 pounds to help your loved ones manage financially. For more information about this search for Aviva free parent cover. And back to you guys?
00:33:30 Vernon Kay
I'll tell you what I need Holly. I need a mini-Alistair to just pop in my pocket and pull him out whenever I need him. Great advice Alistair, thank you very very much. That’d be awesome wouldn't it, pocket Alistair.
00:33:40 Vernon Kay
That's it for another podcast or next week. We're talking about the world, my children will grow into with Vicki Broadbent, from MumBoss.
00:33:48 Holly Mackay
Yeah, I can't wait for that. And if you want more content in the interim then head over to the website. The links in the podcast description or it's aviva.co.uk/parenting-past-the-pandemic. D'you know what Vernon upset that for four weeks now and it doesn't get any easier?
00:34:07 Vernon Kay
Well, translate it into northern, shall I? Its, aviva.co.uk/parenting-past-the-pandemic. There you go. As ever hit subscribe.
00:34:18 Vernon Kay
Or follow wherever you get this podcast from and make sure if you don't mind to leave us for review. It's always appreciated, so thank you very much, but for now, from me it's bye.
00:34:28 Holly Mackay
And bye for me.
00:34:31 Vernon Kay
This podcast was brought to you by Aviva Checkout aviva.co.uk for more details. Aviva is with you today for a better tomorrow.