Supporting neurodivergent children: Nurturing early years support

Anisa Lewis of Positive Parenting and Coaching, explains how supporting a neurodivergent child can feel like learning a new language, one that doesn’t come with a manual.

In this article, you'll find:

• Understanding different learning needs
• Working with schools and educators
• How executive function develops (and how to support it)
• Co-regulation: helping children feel calm
• How support can change with age
• Further resources

Every child is unique. Neurodivergent children may experience the world, learning and communication in different ways from what schools (and society) typically expect.

The good news is that with understanding, flexibility and the right support, families can create environments where children feel safe, confident and able to thrive.

Understanding different learning needs

Neurodivergent is an umbrella term that can include children with ADHD, autism, dyslexia and dyspraxia. You might also hear it used more broadly to describe children whose brains process information, sensory input and emotions differently.

It’s also common for neurodivergence to run in families ^{Footnote [1]}. That means you may have more than one neurodivergent person at home, each with their own communication style, regulation needs and sensory preferences.

You might notice your child:

• Processes information more slowly (or very quickly).
• Finds it hard to focus, get started, or stay with a task.
• Feels overwhelmed by noise, lights, busy spaces, clothing textures or smells.
• Has big feelings, with fast ‘meltdowns’ or ‘shutdowns’.
• Prefers visual, hands-on, interest-led or movement-based learning.

Rather than trying to “fit” a child into a system, the aim is to understand how they learn best and to put the right supports around them at home and in education settings.

Working with schools and educators 

One of the most powerful ways to support a neurodivergent child is through strong partnerships with educators. Collaboration works best when it’s practical, consistent and focused on what helps your child access learning.

• Share a simple ‘what helps’ profile
  Including triggers, calming strategies, interests, sensory needs and communication preferences.
• Agree regular check-ins
  For example, a quick weekly message, or a brief meeting each half-term.
• Ask what reasonable adjustments are possible
  Such as movement breaks, sensory tools, reduced written output, a quieter workspace and visual supports.
• Keep language calm and factual
  “When X happens, we notice Y. What helps is Z.”
• If your setting has one, involve the SENCO
  This stands for Special Educational Needs Coordinator. Engage them early and ask how support is recorded, for example, an assess–plan–do–review cycle.

If meetings feel daunting, take notes, bring examples (what works at home), and ask for one or two agreed actions to try before the next check-in. Small, consistent changes often make the biggest difference.

How executive function develops (and how to support it)

In younger neurodivergent children, behaviour is often communication. When their brain is overwhelmed, they may not have the words (or the skills) to explain what’s going on. You might see ‘fight, flight, freeze’ responses, big feelings, impulsive reactions, or a child who suddenly goes very quiet. This isn’t bad behaviour; it’s a stress response.

Support often starts with connection:

• Name what you see: “I can see you’re feeling…”
• Validate the need: “That makes sense, it’s really loud, or busy, or hard to wait.”
• Offer one next step: “Let’s go to our calm space, have a drink or use your fidget toys.”
• When they’re calmer, problem-solve together: “What would help next time?”

Co-regulation: helping children feel calm

Our children can trigger us, so co-regulation often starts with us. We’re helping our child’s nervous system settle by lending them our calm (and showing them what regulation looks like). Examples include:

• Regulate yourself out loud: slow your breathing, drop your shoulders, and narrate it simply (“I’m taking a calm breath”).
• Use fewer words and a softer tone: “I’m here.” “You’re safe.” “We’ll do this together.”
• Get down to their level: keep your body language calm and open (some children find eye contact hard, so don’t force it).
• Offer two simple choices: this can reduce demand and increase a sense of control. “Cuddle or space?”, “Quiet corner or a walk?”, “Water or snack?”.
• Support sensory regulation: deep pressure (if they like it), such as a firm hug or weighted blanket, wall pushes, ‘heavy work’ (carrying cushions) or a fidget toy.
• Use rhythm to settle: gentle rocking, walking side-by-side, humming, or tapping a steady beat together.
• Repair afterwards (once calm): “That was a big feeling. Next time, shall we try the quiet corner or squeeze our hands?”

Creating predictable routines

Predictability is key here. The aim is a gentle rhythm and flow that helps your child feel safe, not a rigid timetable. That might include:

• A bedtime routine with the same steps
  For example, bath, teeth, pyjamas and a story. If needed, the order can flex depending on your child’s energy that night.
• Transition cues for leaving the house or switching activities
  Such as a 5-minute warning, a timer, or “first… then…” language.

Reducing sensory overload

Neurodivergent children often work hard to process the world around them. When there’s too much sensory input (noise, light, touch, movement, smells), their stress levels can rise quickly. What helps will depend on your child, but home can be a place to reduce ‘background overload’ and build in time for rest, recovery and regulation.

• Reduce strong smells where you can
  Such as air fresheners, scented cleaning products and perfumes. Ventilate cooking smells if they’re a trigger.
• Create a calm-down space
  For example, low lighting, a cosy corner and soft textures. If it’s helpful and safe for your child, a weighted blanket or compression support.
• Offer movement breaks after school
  This could be a trampoline, scooter, carrying shopping or walking a pet. Many children regulate through movement.

How support can change with age

Executive function is a set of mental skills that help us plan, organise, remember instructions, manage emotions, and start and finish tasks ^{Footnote [2]}. These skills develop gradually throughout childhood and into early adulthood. Many neurodivergent children need more support in some areas and for longer.

Early years (around ages 2–5):

• Keep steps short and visual: show, don’t just tell.
• Use routines and simple choices: “Shoes on or coat on first?”.
• Build regulation into the day: movement, snacks, quiet time.

Primary age (typically ages 5–11):

• Use visual timetables or checklists: break tasks into smaller chunks.
• Practise transitions with warnings: use timers and “first… then…” language.
• Make organisation visual and practical: bag packing lists, labels and a consistent place for things.

Pre-teen and teen years:

• Support planning and time awareness: shared calendars, reminders, and planning from the end goal backwards.
• Teach ‘reset’ strategies for stress: movement, music and sensory breaks. Practise them when things are calm.
• Build problem-solving and strengths: not just deficits.

Adapting support as children grow

Your child’s needs will shift as school expectations, friendships and self-awareness develop. 

It can help to regularly ask: 

• What’s working?
• What’s getting harder?
• What support needs adjusting? 

Small tweaks, like earlier bedtimes, a quieter morning routine, or a different homework set-up, can have a big impact.

A compassionate approach

There’s no perfect way to do this. If you’re curious, flexible and kind (to your child and yourself), you’re already building the foundations for confidence and resilience as you raise your neurodivergent child.

Further resources

ADHD in children and young people - NHS

A clear overview of ADHD in children and young people, with guidance on getting support and advice

Autism and everyday life - NHS

Information and practical advice on supporting autistic children in everyday life, including behaviour, school, routines and accessing support.

Dyslexia in children - NHS

An overview of dyslexia in children, explaining how it can affect reading, writing and learning, with advice on assessment and ways to support your child