You’re in the right place to help
“I can tell they’re not themselves, but I don’t know what to say.” 
“I don’t want to make it worse by saying the wrong thing.”
“I want to help – I just don’t know how.”
Understanding what they're going through
Menopause is a process with stages, not just a single event. It can bring physical, emotional, and cognitive changes, and everyone's experience is different. Here's a breakdown of the stages:
Perimenopause
These are the years leading up to their last period. This is when many symptoms typically begin as their hormones start to fluctuate.
Menopause
This is precisely defined as the point when it has been 12 consecutive months since their last period. It's often misused as a 'catch-all' term for the entire journey, but menopause itself is simply this marker point.
Post-menopause
These are all the years after that 12-month menopause marker. Some symptoms may ease, while others can continue.
Symptoms they could be experiencing
Body:
Body: - Waking in the night drenched in sweat
Exhaustion from broken sleep
Dealing with hot flushes or sudden heat
Coping with joint pain, headaches
Having heart palpitations
Experiencing vaginal dryness or discomfort
Mind and emotions:
Mind and emotions: Anxiety and low mood
Mood swings with sudden tearfulness or irritability
Brain fog and struggling with memory and concentration
Low self-esteem and self-image
How to talk about it
Struggling to approach the subject?
Things to think about:
Before you talk to them, consider reading up on menopause to understand more about what they're going through and to help you have a conversation. This may take the mental load off them explaining it all. If they do want to talk about it, take a look at our helpful tips.
Things that are unhelpful:
Being dismissive or making jokes about 'the change' or forgetfulness might feel like you’re making light of their experience. This can be a difficult life stage and they may need emotional and practical support.
Helpful tips
Listen more than you speak. Let them set the pace and the level of detail about their experience
Believe what they tell you. Even if they ‘look fine’, their inner experience may be intense
Ask what helps. Everyone’s needs are different: some want practical help, others just want to be heard
Check in again. One good conversation is a start, not a one-off fix.
Supporting someone at home
At home, you might see the impact that symptoms of menopause has on your loved one more clearly than anyone.
As a partner
Share more of the load: If they’re exhausted or foggy, picking up extra chores, admin or caring tasks for a while could be a huge relief.
Protect their rest: Support earlier nights, quieter mornings after bad nights, and space for breaks without guilt.
Talk about intimacy: Vaginal dryness, pain and low libido are common and can be distressing. Reassure them there’s no pressure and that you can adapt together.
Show up to appointments if they’d like that: Being there as another pair of ears may help them feel less alone and could help remember what was said.
Talk about work and finances openly: For some people, adjusting their working hours, or leaving their job may be the right choice during menopause. Talk about your options and financial situation as a team and encourage them to talk to their manager about the support available at work.
As a family member or friend
- Offer specific help: “Can I do the weekly shop?” is easier to accept than “Let me know if you need anything.”
- Talk openly: Be the person they can talk to openly.
- Help them make time for self-care: Offer to take over tasks or chores that they’d normally do so they can take some time for themselves.
Supporting someone at work
Symptoms like brain fog, anxiety and poor sleep can make everyday tasks at work feel much harder. At work, there are some steps that you can take to help people with these symptoms.
As a colleague
You can help by:
- being kind when they lose their thread or forget something – no eyerolling or jokes
- offering to help prepare or follow-up on big meetings
- backing a culture where health issues, including perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause can be talked about without embarrassment or stigma.
Often, being a calm, understanding teammate is more helpful than you realise.
As a manager
You have real power to make work more manageable. Create a safe space in your team to talk about these things. Ask open questions such as, “Is there anything at work that we could adjust to make things easier at the moment?”. If someone opens up to you about going through menopause, offer practical adjustments:
- Flexibility on hours or breaks
- Options to work from home on difficult days
- Small changes to their workspace (cooler environment, close to toilets and water cooler)
- Freedom to step out of meetings briefly, if needed
- Be clear that discussing perimenopause, menopause or post-menopause will not damage their standing or career prospects
- Know what support your organisation offers
If you’re unsure what support your organisation provides, check what’s already available or ask HR for guidance.
Looking after yourself too
It can help to:
- talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling, without breaking the confidence of the person you care about
- use reliable information about the menopause, so you’re not filling the gaps with worry
- set gentle boundaries if you’re overwhelmed, while still showing that you care. For example, “I love you and I want to support you. But, I also need to recharge tonight so I can keep showing up for you".
