Anisa Lewis of Positive Parenting and Coaching draws on 20+ years in education – plus 16 as a parent herself – and makes the point that juggling the demands of a busy work life, caring for loved ones and somehow still making time for yourself, can feel like spinning plates whilst walking a tightrope.
Whether you’re caring for children, ageing parents, or both, balancing caregiving with professional responsibilities and personal wellbeing is no easy feat and one that can leave us feeling like we’re not doing well in any of them.
But it is possible to find a rhythm that works for you, it may take time to find it and I encourage you to take time for reflection, to think through what might or could work for you and your family. It’s important to note that what will work for one of us might not fit for another and we need to show ourselves some compassion while we search for the rhythm that does work.
The key isn’t striving for perfect balance every day, it’s about creating habits that support you over the long term. Here are five practical tips that I feel are a nurturing way to help you maintain your wellbeing while managing care and work responsibilities.
1. Set boundaries without guilt
When work and caring responsibilities blur into each other, boundaries are essential.
- What comes to mind when you think about boundaries?
o This could be something physical, emotional or time-related. - What feelings arise when you consider putting boundaries in place?
o Do you feel relief, guilt, anxiety, or empowerment? - How would you describe your current boundaries?
o Are they loose and fluid, strict and rigid, or somewhere in between?
A boundary could be as simple as defining clear working hours and sticking to them as best you can. This might mean blocking out time in your calendar, turning off notifications outside work hours, or letting your team know when you're unavailable.
Equally, set limits around caregiving. If you're constantly 'on', it can lead to burnout. Allowing yourself time away from caring; whether it’s a walk, a weekly class you attend, taking time for exercise, a bath, or simply sitting quietly with a book, this isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty glass, and the airlines are right when they suggest that you fit your own oxygen mask first. By doing this simple act, you’re better placed to serve and support others.
Remember: boundaries are a form of self-respect, they’re a healthy way to care for yourself, as well as others.
2. Prioritise micro-moments of self-care
It’s easy to put self-care on the back burner, especially when time is tight. But you don’t need hours to recharge. Little moments throughout the day can help regulate stress and give you space to breathe.
Think small: make a proper cup of tea and drink it without multitasking. Step outside for five minutes of fresh air. Take a few deep breaths before your next meeting. These mini reset moments add up and can improve your resilience and energy over time.
Another way to prioritise your self-care habits is to anchor them onto something you already do:
- Whilst brushing your teeth, look in the mirror and reinforce a positive ‘I am’ statement: I am capable, I am amazing, I am confident, I am loveable, etc.
- While going for a walk, take a moment to listen to a podcast or some music you enjoy - it’s a simple way to unwind, recharge, and give yourself care.
- If you’re caught in a delay or waiting for the kettle to boil, take some deep breaths - in through the nose and out through the mouth.
3. Delegate and ask for help
You are not supposed to do it all.
Read that again...
You are not supposed to do it all.
Whether it’s sharing the school run with another parent, outsourcing a household task, or delegating a project at work, letting go of the “I should be able to manage this on my own” mindset is a positive step.
Think about what positive and practical conversation you might need to have with your loved ones, siblings, partner or children to bring about the change you need to balance all the balls you’re currently juggling.
Nurture the ‘notice and do’ mentality with those in your home or even colleagues at work. Encourage those around you to embrace the idea that if they see something that needs doing, you guessed it … they do it. No need to wait for permission or have a meeting to discuss. If it’s within a colleague or relative’s capabilities, then they can crack on.
If you have a support network, use it. If you don’t, here are some suggestions to help build one:
- Reach out to local carers’ groups by searching online or by asking your local council, GP, community centre or library.
- Have a chat with your manager about what flexibility might be possible in your role - sometimes even small adjustments can make a difference.
- Find out what support might be available from trained professionals, either through your workplace or local services.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
4. Keep communication open
Open and honest communication helps set expectations and reduce misunderstandings. Talk to your line manager about your caregiving responsibilities. It’s much healthier to have these conversations before you hit burn out. Taking steps to prepare in advance can help you feel confident when having a conversation with your manager.
At home, talk to those you’re caring for about how you’re doing too. Age-appropriate conversations with children, or clear discussions with adult relatives, can help everyone feel involved and supported. It can be helpful to use ‘I’ statements to help feel you own what's going on and express your needs clearly, but in a balanced way.
Here are some examples:
- “I feel tired in the evenings and it’s been hard to keep up with everything. Can we talk about how to share things more evenly?”
- “I need a bit of quiet time after dinner to recharge - would it be ok if we planned for that?”
- “I’ve noticed I’ve been doing most of the cleaning lately, and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed.”
- “I’d really appreciate it if we could sit down once a week to plan out the chores together.”
- “I want us to feel more like a team - what can we do to make things feel more balanced at home?”
Communication builds connection and connection eases the load.
5. Regularly check in with yourself
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to pause. Set aside time once a week or even once a day to ask yourself:
- What’s working well right now?
- What’s feeling overwhelming?
- What one small thing can I shift to feel more balanced?
This check-in doesn’t need to be formal. A journal entry, a voice note on your phone, or a quiet moment with a cuppa will do. It’s about building awareness so you can adjust before things spiral. To remember to do this, put it in your diary, you could even take yourself on a ‘date for one’ and make this time a priority in your week.
Balancing care, work and personal wellbeing is a dynamic process, it will look different at different times. Give yourself permission to be flexible, to shift priorities and to look after yourself as well as those who rely on you.
You’re doing your best and that’s more than enough.
Resources to help support carers
There are a range of resources and support services available to help carers manage their responsibilities.
- Carers UK - provides support for carers.
- Citizen’s Advice - help and support for carers.
