Anisa Lewis of Positive Parenting and Coaching, reminds us that from the moment we become parents or step into any caring role, we’re on a journey that changes with each season of life.
Where are you in your caring journey?
Do you believe that there’s a beginning, middle and end to caring?
What form of caring are you undertaking currently?
How might the caring path evolve for you and your loved ones in the next year?
Caring comes in many forms. Sometimes it looks like faces covered in food, jumping in muddy puddles and sleepless nights. Other times it’s late-night pick up of teens or phone calls to check on an ageing parent. What we don’t always realise when we step into a caring role, is just how much it will evolve as life moves on.
Early years
In the early days, caring can feel all consuming. You’re needed around the clock - nappies, feeds, or wrestling a wriggly toddler into their car seat. It’s exhausting. But there’s a simplicity to it too. You’re their whole world - and even when it’s hard, you know exactly where you fit.
If you’re in this season right now, focus on building routines and rhythms into your day. Children thrive on boundaries - and at this age, it’s our role to create them.
- Try a nurturing bedtime routine. Start with wind down time – pack away toys, then follow with a few calming steps: a bath, massage, pyjamas, stories or a bottle.
- Do them all, or just a couple - whatever works for your time and energy. What matters most is consistency. Doing things in the same order each night brings comfort and predictability for your little one.
School days
Then come the school years. Things might feel a little easier - your child isn’t relying on you for every moment of their day. But you’re still juggling school runs, term dates, forgotten PE kits, homework battles, class WhatsApp groups and playdates - to name just a few.
Your child starts to form their own friendships, opinions and ideas. It’s a pivotal moment - and one where you might wonder why you ever encouraged them to talk in the first place! Jokes aside, it’s a joy to watch the person they’re growing into and their personality take shape. You’re still at the heart of things - but they’re beginning to step out on their own.
At this stage you’re part cheerleader, part taxi driver, part emotions coach and full-time finder of lost water bottles.
- To ease the daily load, focus on connection and streamlining your routines. Try things like batch cooking, visual timetables, shared calendars, or encouraging your child to pack their bag and lay out their uniform the night before.
- Connection can come in small moments: car rides, chats over dinner or bedtime check-ins. Tune into what your child wants to talk about or do. Listen to their cues and follow their lead.
Teen years
And just like that, they’re teenagers. It can feel like a whole new choppy chapter in your caring role. Now it’s more emotional heavy lifting than physical. You’re holding space for big feelings, navigating secondary school, exams and trying to talk about relationships, identity and mental health.
It’s a time when they might act like they don’t need you - when friends seem to matter more than anything. But they do need you. Sometimes they’ll push you away, even when they want you close. It’s like living on a seesaw - riding the highs and lows, trusting it’ll steady again.
Caring for a teen can feel tough. But it’s also a privilege to be their anchor through the stormy seas of adolescence. Being emotionally available - and staying calm, even when they’re not - is key. Trust matters more than ever.
Look for ways to build in touchpoints with your teen during the day or week:
- Can you be around when they get home from school?
- Could you try tech-free mealtimes?
- Use open-ended questions – starting with Who, What, When, Where or How - to keep conversations flowing.
- Try to avoid closed questions that only need a ‘yes’ or ‘no'.
- If you can, steer clear of Why questions, as they can feel a bit accusatory.
Start thinking about what caring might look like when they leave home. Who are you when you’re not a full-time carer? Redefining your role and exploring what this next chapter means for you takes time – so start now.
Role reversal
At the same time as caring for our children, we can often find ourselves caring for our own parents – call it the caring sandwich. It’s a strange kind of role reversal. The people who once looked after us may now need our support – with appointments, medication, technology, regular check-ins, or reminders for everyday tasks.
It’s a delicate balance – offering help while still honouring their independence. This season can arrive quietly, then all at once. There’s tenderness here, but it can be emotionally draining too.
Do what you can to plan ahead, and accept that you can’t do everything alone:
- Keep a shared calendar for appointments.
- Explore local support services.
- Don’t be afraid to ask siblings or others to share the load.
When they’re all grown up
And then there are adult children. You might think the parenting part is over – but the truth is, it never really stops. It just changes shape. You’re still there with advice, a cuppa, a shoulder to cry on, or a place to crash when life feels overwhelming. Sometimes you’re helping in practical ways too – especially as the cost of living continues to bite.
Caring for adult children is about being their constant, even when they’ve flown the nest.
What’s clear is this: caring isn’t a fixed role. It’s a lifelong commitment that weaves itself through every stage of life. It isn’t always easy – and it can feel like you’re spinning plates – but it’s also deeply meaningful.
So wherever you are in your caring journey, know this: it’s OK to ask for help, to take a break, to admit you’re tired. Because caring for others is part of life’s seasons – but so is caring for yourself.
Further support
- Carers UK - provides support for carers.
- Citizen’s Advice - help and support for carers.
- MoneyHelper - details of financial support available to carers.
- NHS Services - find local authority adult social care services.
- NHS Social care and support - support and benefits services.
- NHS Carer Guides - further help and information for carers.
