Losing someone to suicide is difficult. The charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) can help you understand your feelings and find ways to cope. CALM will listen and help, so no one has to face their problems alone.
Losing someone to suicide is different to any other loss or bereavement. It’s not just the absence - it’s the unanswered questions, the shock, and the silence that follows. Whether it’s a sibling, a close friend, or even a colleague you chatted with every morning, the impact can feel deeply personal and painful.
But you’re not alone. Reaching out - whether to a friend, a support group, or your GP - can be the first step toward feeling less isolated.
Someone I care about took their own life
When someone you care about dies by suicide, it can feel like the ground shifts beneath you. The grief is often layered with shock, confusion and a sense of isolation. It’s not just close family who are affected - best friends, ex-partners, colleagues, even the person who saw them every day at the corner shop may feel the impact of loss. So many people will still think about that person and how their absence has left a gap that no one expected.
No matter what your relationship to the person, this can be incredibly hard to cope with. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed - and there is support out there to help you through it.
You may find a particular incident or memory with the person you’ve lost continues to play on your mind, or that you’re replaying certain situations over and over. Dealing with a suicide is incredibly difficult, in part because of the taboo that surrounds it. But there is help out there. Your GP can be a good first step - they can talk through your options and help you find the support that’s right for you.
Your feelings
It can be really hard to deal with a loss through suicide. As well as the usual feelings of bereavement, there can be a number of conflicting emotions. There is no right way to feel grief, and it is completely normal to feel a range of emotions – sometimes all at once.
This may include feeling:
- Angry with the person for taking their own life – or with yourself for not having prevented it.
- Rejected by what they have done.
- Confused as to why they did it.
- Guilty for not having been able to stop their death – you may go over in your mind the times you spent with them and ask yourself if you could have prevented it.
- Worried about whether the deceased suffered.
- Relieved that you no longer must be there to support the person or deal with their suicidal thoughts and urges.
- Ashamed by what they did – particularly if your culture or religion sees suicide as sinful or disgraceful.
- Reluctant to talk to other people about it.
- Isolated.
- Worried about the people who have been left behind.
Talking about losing a loved one to suicide
It can be difficult to talk about your loss. Many people don’t know what to do or say when you talk about suicide because of the stigma - that’s shame or embarrassment - surrounding the topic. It’s important to remember that the way people react is out of your control and not your responsibility. You are entitled to talk about your loss and how it makes you feel.
If you’re not sure where to start, you could try saying something simple like - “I’ve been going through something really tough and I need someone to talk to.”
Even just opening up a little can help you feel less alone.
Moving forward after suicide loss
It can be difficult to see how you can move on after losing someone to suicide. You will never not feel this loss - but you can move forward and find joy again, even if that feels impossible right now.
People who have lost someone to suicide can find the following helps them:
- Tell those close to you how you feel.
- Talk to others who are affected - you can give each other strength. Don’t keep your feelings to yourself. Others may be struggling too, and it can be a huge relief to realise someone else feels the same way.
- Don’t blame yourself or feel ashamed about what’s happened.
- It’s okay to feel angry.
- It’s okay to feel let down by the person you lost.
- What happened is not your responsibility. It was not your fault. You are not to blame, and you could not have stopped this.
- Know that you can grow around the grief eventually – it’s not that you’ll forget the person, but you’ll make space for other things alongside them.
- Take time to share special memories and stories of your loved one.
However you feel, it’s valid. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve - and no timeline you need to follow.
Where can I find support?
If you’re struggling after the loss of a loved one, there are people and organisations who can help.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
- The CALM helpline is available from 5pm to midnight every day on 0800 58 58 58.
- Professional helpline workers offer free, anonymous, non-judgemental and confidential support.
- Call or use webchat to talk things through and find ways to move forward.
Samaritans
- Call 116 123 for free, confidential support at any time.
Your GP
- Make an appointment to talk through your options and connect with local mental health services or counselling.
Support After Suicide Partnership
- The Support After Suicide Partnership offers resources and links to local support groups.
- Includes practical advice for navigating grief, legal processes, and supporting children.
UK Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS)
- UK SOBS provides peer-led support groups and resources for anyone affected by suicide.
Further resources
These organisations can help you feel less alone and guide you through this difficult time.
Help is at Hand
- A booklet published by Public Health England.
- Available online or contact CALM to request a printed copy.
- Offers practical advice and guidance on navigating grief, including coroner’s courts, funerals, supporting children, and more
Support After Suicide Partnership
- A hub of resources and support listings tailored to different needs and communities.
- Includes links to local services, downloadable guides, and personal stories.
Finding the Words
- A guide to help you support someone bereaved by suicide
- Offers practical tips on what to say, how to listen, and how to be there for someone
- For example, it suggests starting with: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” - a simple phrase that can mean a lot
CALM – Support After Suicide page
- Visit the CALM Support after Suicide page for more information, links, and helpline access.
These resources are designed to help you feel supported, informed, and less alone - whether you're grieving yourself or supporting someone who is.
