Worrying about someone can be hard, but you're not alone. The charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) can help you spot the signs that someone might be struggling. CALM can support you in understanding these signs and find ways to help.
Asking someone how they really are can feel like squeezing the last bit of toothpaste from the tube. Despite your efforts, only a small and slightly strained “I’m good” comes out. It can be challenging to press further, even when we know they’re having a hard time.
If you’re having a cuppa with someone you care about and want to avoid them mumbling into their biscuit and swiftly changing the topic, CALM is here to support you in supporting your friend or loved one.
Talking about our mental wellbeing doesn’t always come naturally. But it can help. And that includes talking about suicide and suicidal thoughts.
In 2024, over 130 people a week died by suicide in England, Scotland and Wales Footnote [1] . By talking about it openly, we can help prevent those we care about from reaching crisis point.
If you're reading this, you're doing a great job - as it shows you care.
Keep an eye out
If something feels off, trust your instinct. It’s not always easy to know when someone is struggling, but here are some signs that might help:
- Ups and downs in their mood
- Wanting to spend less time with others
- Changes to their routine, like sleeping and eating
- Appearing low on energy or enthusiasm
- Neglecting self-care, such as showering less or paying less attention to personal appearance
- Seeming reckless or making rash decisions
- Increased alcohol or drug abuse
- Being more angry or irritable than usual
- Talking about suicide or wanting to die in a vague or joking way
- Giving away their possessions
- Saying goodbye to friends and family as if they won’t see them again
Signs of struggles online
It can be harder to notice signs that someone’s struggling online but, whether it’s on social media or in group chats, keep an eye out for posts that are sad, graphic, violent, impulsive or emotional (you might sense when it’s more than just a sarcastic joke).
But remember, sometimes you’ll see none of the above.
But sometimes, you won’t see any of these signs. Many of us have perfected the art of hiding when we feel low. And one sign alone doesn’t necessarily mean someone is suicidal. Suicide is complex, like life is. Even if you don't see any signs, it's always good to check in. Many people are good at hiding their feelings, but your support can make a difference.
Check in with their other friends
There’s no harm in asking mutual friends or family if they’ve been worried too. Sometimes you need a second opinion. Check in with the friends you have in common to see if they’ve noticed anything. Chances are they probably have.
Go ahead and ask
Sometimes the best thing you can do is say it as you see it.
Too often, we shy away from digging a little deeper because we don’t like to think that our friend is sad. But avoiding the subject altogether can make someone feel even more isolated or silly for feeling the way they do.
The truth is, no matter how much joking around your friend might do, whether they’re the life and soul of the party, or always seem to be smiling – anyone can struggle with their mental health and anyone can feel suicidal.
Don’t shy away from the S word
Get comfortable talking about suicide and the stuff that makes you uncomfortable. It’s time to get rid of the stigma attached to feeling suicidal. You might worry that talking about suicide will put ideas in your friend’s head, but that’s not true. Acknowledging they’re feeling this way can actually be a big relief and make them feel less alone. If you think someone you care about is struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are ways to support them.
Remember, it isn’t your sole responsibility to keep them safe. If you’re worried, share your concerns and point them in the direction of support. If you think they’re in immediate danger, you can call their GP surgery, contact Samaritans on 116 123, dial 999, or take them to A&E and stay with them until they’re seen by a member of the mental health team.
Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger
Don’t be offended or take it to heart if they don’t want to reveal everything. When a friend doesn’t want to tell you what’s going on, it can feel like you’ve failed, but you haven’t. There’s nothing wrong with giving them a nudge towards some professional support.
Where can I find help?
- You can talk to CALM from 5pm to midnight every day. Their professional helpline workers are there to talk and help. Calls and webchats are free, anonymous, non-judgemental and confidential.
- Outside of these hours, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 - a free, confidential helpline offering emotional support to anyone in distress, 24/7.
- Call NHS 111 (freephone) or 999 if you’re worried someone’s life is at risk.
- Contact their GP for an emergency appointment.
- Contact your local mental health crisis team (if you don’t know who they are, NHS 111 can help you).
- Find more places to get help at the CALMZONE.
